Jeff's Date With A Cheerleader
Jeff sat in front of his full plate of pizza as his date, Candy Becker, related the events of her day.
“…and I was, like, freaking out, ‘cause I ran out of conditioner, and I was like, ‘Oh my God, I’m gonna die!’ But I got my hair to look decent anyway. I mean, it’s not perfect, but it’s got bounce. You know? And then it was like raining this morning, and I was like, ‘Oh my God, my hair is so gonna get ruined.’ Like, I forgot to bring my umbrella, and it was just ruined. But it wasn’t the end of the world, ‘cause I fixed it when I got to school. I gotta tell you, I’m pretty good at doing my hair. Anyway, so when I got to school, Becky was like, ‘You look fat,’ and I was all, ‘Don’t even go there, you bloated thing.’ And you know she’s like puking everything up, have you seen her eat? Nobody eats like that and looks like her. So then she gave me this look and it pissed me off, and pretty much all of first period was ruined because my chair was broken and it kept rocking back and forth. I just couldn’t concentrate, you know? And Donna had some of that face glitter on, and it looks so ugly on her. I kept laughing all through class. I mean, she really overdid it with the glitter. Then in second period I had to pee so bad, I really thought I was going to just go right there in the middle of class. And it was raining outside, and that made it worse, ‘cause I kept hearing the water. And then, like, I hit the restroom before third period, and I left my math book in there! So I was late to class and got a demerit and I just knew it was going to be a bad day. And then Ricky Cross tried to grab my ass, and Eddie Lake called him an ass-grabber, and it was so totally cool to see them fighting over me, you know? Like, how cool is that? And then during lunch I spilled milk in my salad, and it was ruined but I ate it anyway ‘cause I was hungry and I figured it all ends up in the same place in the end, you know? Only it didn’t go down so well and I’m not sure how fresh the salad was. And I had a Baby Ruth, which was really dumb because I just shouldn’t eat candy. It never sits right. Which is funny, ‘cause my name is Candy, you know? Anyway, by sixth period I was just thinking about our date tonight and I spaced out in class. I’m always spacing out in class, especially when we’re, like, watching movies or filmstrips and stuff like that? I can never concentrate. It’s like I’ve just got too much stuff going on in my head sometimes. So after school I was waiting for my ride and this car like totally sprays me with gutter water and I was drenched, not to mention my hair was all dirty, so I had to take another shower and change clothes and do my hair again, and I was still out of conditioner, which sucks!”
Jeff nodded as he dabbed a crumb off of his empty plate and stuck his finger in his mouth. “I know what you mean.”